I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
