Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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