Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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