I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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