SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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