I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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