awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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