How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
