she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
