During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
