my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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