Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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