So drunk its hurt
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
