your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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