I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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