Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
