Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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