I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and she was petting her beer can
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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