Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
