ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
