when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
