if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize