Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk is not a location!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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