Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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