I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
