Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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