He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
