the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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