wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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