i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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