sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
