Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize