My room smells like vodka and shame
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
