i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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