didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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