Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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