god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
