I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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