he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
