I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
