i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
