we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
