just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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