I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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