how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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