you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
