Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
