Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
