I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
