I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
