Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
