Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
