so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
