she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
