found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
