Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
