if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize