You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He felt like a one man threesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
